9 May 2025

What matters and knowing what matters

I find that I have something to write about here. 

There were many questions that I had as a child. Some of the questions dropped. Other questions came and went. Different interests arose. Some became sharper. Some disappeared. A few questions, no matter whether they rose later or early on - I realised only recently - had been so deeply interconnected and intertwined that I hadn't quite realised that they were the identical question although arising in different forms. 

For instance, I did not know what the word "freedom" meant or that there was a word of that nature when I was 4 or 5. I knew - no doubt - what it meant to be "free" or the feeling of freedom or the innate sense of being or feeling unlimited - but I didn't know about the word or the concept. So while my vocabulary grew, the content of experience grew and became larger, and I gathered some knowledge of concepts and labels and categories - the questions changed somewhat. Some questions were all but forgotten for bits of time or they ceased to make sense but one or two questions or perhaps three or four kept knocking away and kept drawing me back home: Who am I? Why do things happen the way they do? Are human beings really free or are we determined? What/who is God? - 

Now The God question actually started coming up when I was in my teens because prior to that I didn't need to raise that question. When I was very young, it was obvious to me that there was God since I spoke with Him often and He answered my questions - if I had any - or comforted me when I needed comfort. But as I grew older - the very natural relationship I had with God, The Holy Spirit, The Voice of My Friend became covered and veiled and I couldn't make out if there was a God. Indeed - it was not as if I could actually see God with my eyes open or hear God in what is called the objective way, that is when everyone else can also hear the same words and the same voice. So how did I know who or what God was? 

"The Who am I" question also ebbed and rose and fell and disappeared and got mixed with life's experiences and situations, relationships and happenings until I couldn't really figure out what or who I really was. Sometimes I didn't see anything particularly relevant about the question, sometimes the answer seemed to bore me or tire me - in the sense of a life-story because it honestly felt at a very deep and visceral level that I had been doing what I was, and had been having many kinds of life-stories, lots and lots of times and sometimes running parallel to this life-story in some dimension of space. 

Given all that, I knew there was something that mattered. Something that couldn't be forgotten. Something that needed to be remembered. Some vital but fundamental connection that I needed to make for life to make sense - an overarching sense and a complete sense - in an absolute sense that left no room for doubt. That left no room for questioning the fundamental premise of that which is significant. The details are a different matter. But the centre. The foundation. That which holds everything. That which matters. The truth of reality and the truth of life which when known is the peace that passeth understanding. I cannot say why it was so important to me to locate this. To find or discover this. Had I been exceptionally gifted perhaps in music or art or sports or science or psychology or some other domain of human endeavour maybe I may not have or maybe I would still have been compelled for without the centre, that absolute - that which makes all else sensible - I couldn't quite frankly see the point of anything after awhile. Whether that was 10 years or 10 days or 40 years or 40 days or four or more. 

Thusly and thusly - the questions, the very old ones returned. And once the questions returned - depending on the nature of the questions - the teachers appeared. I honestly cannot see it as being otherwise. I think it is a real thing that actually happens. When the student is ready - the teacher appears. Whenever I have had honest questions where I needed answers - I have had graceful teachers appear in different forms, shapes, sizes and appearances who impart different kinds of knowledge, sometimes information, sometimes wisdom, and also insight. This was no different. 

I think that every experience that arose or faded in my life was to allow for the realisation of what matters and knowing what matters. The question "Who am I?" does matter. And for me - the question "Who is God?" does matter. The first question is one of the most significant questions that a human being can ask. Realising the answer, truly understanding what the answer means, the implications of the same, and living in accordance to the same leads to a fundamental paradigm shift. Upon revisiting Eckhart Tolle in late 2019 - after a gap of 11 years - and then finding especially Rupert Spira along the way, and Swami Sarvapriyananda, Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche and Francis Lucille among others led me to the realisation of how important it is to truly know the "I", the nature of the "I am", God, and the truth of the same.

I am hardly a pioneering human being who is saying this. It has been said in different ways and different forms over and over through the course of what we call the rise and fall of human civilisations - but I now feel that I also can write a bit on the matter. One does run the risk of coming across as a loony or as someone who hasn't really understood the truth of the message or as someone who is sharing something that isn't relevant - but that is fine at this point. For the interesting thing about this truth is that unlike other knowledge or information, which we can read about, know about as seemingly external objects, happenings, events and ideas (which is anything and everything else!) - this is a truth that one can test, verify and check on the basis of one's own exploration and investigation.

This is an introductory post after the break of some 5 years or so. I shall return, again, at some point to write some more.

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