There are some statements
and thoughts that walk with one as one walks Life’s paths. The following are but a few of them. I haven’t resolved
all the oddities which linger within the statements/thoughts for even the
following ones and so this post keeps getting close to becoming a never-ending one. I started writing the following almost exactly a year ago and I've added/edited and refined bits and pieces while reading and re-reading what I do and ruminating sometimes. And I've been fussing over this every evening for more than a week after returning to my temporary stables. I’m not entirely satisfied with the following but I’m
putting this up even though I can’t tie it up all neatly with a beautiful bow.
There are facts and
one cannot – unless one is being an ostrich – ignore them in one’s journey of
life. Yet the fox tells the Little Prince that the most important and the most
valuable things in life are invisible to the eye yet felt deep within. Through unusual experiences, one shifts gears
from being a ‘reason and fact worshipper’ and starts holding onto this inner
belief when seemingly contrary facts smack one in the face. Then it’s back to dealing
with just the facts like a good soldier until one’s deep-within-being simply
cannot be ignored unless one is tone deaf within and on-the-out. It seems a very muddled up affair: this tussle
between measurable facts and what is sometimes ‘as invisible as music but as
positive as sound…’.
There’s Sherlock
who says that if the facts don’t fit the theory – throw out the theory. Strangely
enough, Sherlock talks too about ‘intuition’ which he matter-of-factly claims trumps
reason. And who can tell another about when to trust one’s intuition beyond
reason and facts?
I have often in ‘times
of trouble’ remembered (been reminded of?) the Lord’s Prayer of ‘Thy will be
done’. In other times I’m reminded of the zen tale where the master tells his
disciple about the invisible power that lies beyond reason. The disciple is
taken aback with the other-worldly discourse. But they have a long journey
through the sands of space and time and the disciple listens. Finally it is
time to rest and the master tells his disciple to take care of the horses
before retiring for the night. The disciple is about to tie up the horses but
then reasons that his master is testing his learning and faith. Maybe he is
supposed to trust the divine power? With this thought he lets the horses be and
retires. The following morning the master is aghast for the horses are nowhere
to be seen. ‘I told you to tie them up. What on earth did you do?’ ‘But master
I thought you were testing my faith in the Higher Power. You said the Higher
Power takes care of us!’ The Master interjects, ‘Yes, which is why the Higher
Power has given you hands!’ And then he yells, “But He’s not likely to take
care of a fool with hands who doesn’t tie up the horses at night!’
There are
ideas/images which arise in the mind but they turn out to be crackpot
ideas/images (God knows where they come from!). Yet doesn’t a good idea come
from the same place? And if there is a congruence between a cherished goal and
the blazing idea – then mustn’t the idea be tested? For otherwise one will
never know whether the idea has any truth to it. Maybe it is only by testing
out ideas, out of the ten thousand and one crackpot ideas one has – seven might
work wonders? One can but keep at it. I haven’t learnt any surefire way of
intuiting what will work. I sometimes wish I had infallible soothsaying skills
(among other skills).
One’s inner- and
outer-worlds sometimes tantalizingly and mysteriously not to say mystically
glide into one another, breaking up the mundane and normal act of existence,
and Life winks mischievously as if to say, ‘all is not what you think it is…’. They
also, often times, nonchalantly glide off into their own directions as though
they have no connection whatsoever.
In order to do/create
something new – one must walk or make a new path. But one must not tread the
path that angels would fear to tread or tread the path that is well-trodden by too
many humans.
Life apparently
is not about winning. It’s about playing well, hard and true. Yet if one
doesn’t win at some point – why would another human being care or feel anything
but ‘tch-tch’? This has not stopped bothering me although I know it doesn’t
help being bothered.
Would anyone
remember Edison if he hadn’t actually succeeded in making the light bulb? Would
one have remembered Meera if she couldn’t compose poetry and sing? If s/he
hadn’t 'accomplished' what s/he set out to do? Would we have been impressed about
his/her being and about his/her failings? Failures seem to make sense only when at some
point one can stand tall and say “Look?! I did it!”
We talk about
‘human beings’ – not about ‘human doings’. Yet if one doesn’t ‘do’ anything
with all that ‘being’ – there is no external expression of the ‘being’. Yet
what does a person like about another? The ‘being-ness’ or the ‘doing’? Maybe
others will argue with me on this but I keep going back to the part of ‘doing’
somehow although the 'being' matters too in unique instances…but I can’t always give 20-point reasons for the same.
One is supposed
to learn ‘to let go’ but not ‘to give up’. I pray that God doesn’t put me to
the test on these grounds again.
Great things in
life neither come cheap and easy nor do they come without ‘slow and hard and
patient labour’. And while there are no guarantees regarding when one’s labour
will bear fruit, if one doesn’t labour – there are absolutely no possibilities that
one will achieve the sterling fruits of one’s loving labour. Yes, some/many people
might roll their eyes and say, “that’s so-ooo obvious”.
One is not supposed
to expect any fruits while pursuing a task…My fimh shows me the same but this
has not made me immune to and dispassionate about expecting some rare and unique
fruits.
Rome was not
built in a day. True. And it’s always ‘better late than never’. Also true. But
there’s also something to be said about making good in a few rare ways within
the earthly span of life and before one becomes senile.
About missing the
bus: I’m sure now, at my age and with my experiences – great and small – that there
are some things that need to be done at a particular time. If one lets the bus
go by – one has missed a chance. ‘Yet and yet and yet’ – for some things it
seems that fate has a way of bringing one back through often impossible-to-fathom
circuitous routes so that one can catch the bus even if one is running a decade
behind schedule. I don't know when fate (and God?) doth decide 'for this - you shall get another chance; for that - nope.'
Obsessions are
generally deemed as bad, sick and unhealthy – and they are. I’ve had enough of
obsessive bouts to know this much. Yet isn’t the creation of anything good or
great and beautiful fueled by steadfast, single-minded and mulish dedication
and love? (I’m not talking of the Heathcliff and Snape sort of cruel and disgusting obsessions here) The young priest Emilio Sandoz
when he says “let me hold fast onto one noble thing” is being obsessive, Arjun
had his eye fixed on what and who matters, Vivekananda encourages single mindedness, The Buddha was single-minded about certain aspects while elucidating upon the middle-path, Tagore had his whimsical and not-at-all whimsical ‘obsessions’, Maharaj Kumar while engaging in much and thinking intensely had his deep and enduring obsession and I know of one exceptional teacher
who has written that he has had a life-long ‘obsession’ with reading, thinking,
arguing, knowing...Great and/or famous entrepreneurs and businessmen say similar
things about being ‘single-minded’ (if not ‘obsessive’) as do scientists, sportsmen, artists,
saints, politicians, prophets, musicians, writers, poets and teachers about
‘single-mindedness’ of purpose. But I haven’t really gotten any wiser about
this. I’ve only grown sadder about it. If something works or clicks or connects
then being obsessive is a creative and beautiful energy and if it doesn’t then
the obsession is destructive, useless and ugly. But who can tell from the outset
or during the middle stages whether something shall work?
I don’t know for
a fact whether faith can literally move mountains. Sometimes it really feels
that faith works miracles although this might not always be clear at first or
second glance. Sometimes one even has evidence that faith works its inimitable
charms. And then when one is oh-so-sure that one is finally close… – one runs
into a sheer wall. A rope dangles down the sheer face of the wall when one is
close to becoming a vegetable. Faith is mighty unpredictably unpredictable in
how it works with one.
I have read that
a man of God can be recognized at once. I have God-knows-how-many-miles to go
before I get there.
Positive thinking
actually makes one feel more positive sometimes. Yet being delusional is a
‘no-no’. Beliefs about what goes on in one’s bizarre mind (or within somewhere) or
the ‘meaning of life’ or about one’s mission in life or about communion that
one so surely senses may be nothing but delusions. But if one is ‘delusional’, is
it perhaps best to be delusional all the way when one is convinced that one is
on one’s path? (I don’t know for sure but) I don’t know what else one is supposed
to do but keep walking along while holding on…
The longer one
walks along the journey of life, while one completely misses the boat at times,
every now and then one gets tantalizingly close to the ‘arch’ which keeps
moving a little further off and yet keeps beckoning to the traveler to walk on.
