31 March 2010

Knowing...what?

Reading, writing, understanding, connecting, remembering, framing arguments, and looking at things from different and sometimes alternative and/or connected perspectives. The way I see it, one of the purposes of education - in the ideal sense - is that it helps a human being to understand more of what he sees in the world around (and beyond) and to bring however much he can within a connected framework of comprehensibility. To know, remember, to connect, and to understand, and to experience a profound joy while engaging in such mental gymnastics. So much for education.

I realise fully well, and always have that degrees mean nought without the mental keenness that is required. Complete duds can acquire degrees. Nor have I believed that being within the framework of formal education somehow automatically confers intelligence - even of the plain academic sort - onto otherwise dull and non-probing minds. If anything being within formal academia, makes many people far more stupid, narrow minded, and more pompous than they would have been otherwise. But it may provide for them with the means of acquiring a livelihood.

In fact a decade or so ago I almost quit formal education altogether but after a couple of attempts I quit trying to quit formal education because I didn't see what abilities I could sell in order to make a livelihood.

I know that one certainly doesn't need to be within the formal academic system to know, remember, and connect. And it's not just detached knowing and objective knowing that I'm talking about. The most brilliant scientists were also humane and connected in that they were never far away from contemplating on the philosophical significance and magnificence of this universe and our place within it. But what is our place in it? Or have we all self-deluded ourselves into thinking that we have some higher, some other noble purpose than to just sit, drink, eat, and exist? I cannot and will not believe that (for one thing: it's much too bleak to think of). For what of the artists and composers, who felt and created? And what of the mystics, the saints, and the seers, the poets and the prophets? The Ones who knew? The ones who spoke about a love so profound? How did they know? And they lived and acted with what they knew. Nobody had to tell them that they were right or wrong, and some did not die peacefully for believing in what they did, and for valuing what they did. How did they know that they weren't just crackpots? There is a difference for sure between the crackpot and the saint!

And what is it that we have done with all our knowing? How is it that we still live in the state that we do? We still kill, maim, plunder, and if not that we spend our lives in a state of unthinking apathy, indifference, fear, an inability to communicate, an inability to focus, an inability to love or to make love matter....

If all the knowing proceeds along a single path one would think that at some point wisdom would emanate. Yet, and I cannot get around this, how is it that we humans seem to make the same mistakes over and over again?

I'm somewhat peeved that I don't seem to have answers to any of the really important questions - any more than I did when I was 17. At least back then I was cocky enough to believe with the fullest and most absolute conviction that I would know all there was to know, and clearly and consciously, and live with that knowledge - and act on that knowledge, and die wise and young. Ho-ho-ho.

I remember The Telegraph (or was it The Statesman?) used to run those fun pop psych. quizzes every week, from which I remember one question. It ran: If you were given a choice would you rather have fame or wisdom? I remember saying 'fame'. I'd reasoned that being famous was not something one could control but was something that one indeed could just 'have' through some accidental quirk of fate....but wisdom, I reasoned had to be gathered, had to be an experience, and had to be the fulfilling consequence of how one lived one's life. It was something that would have to be accumulated, and would have to be earned. One couldn't just 'have' wisdom or 'be given' wisdom (well one can argue that one could be blessed with wisdom). It was akin to greatness as opposed to mere fame of a popular and ephemeral sort. It was something that I would have to possess through my own abilities - however much or meagre, through my own conduct and through my own travels. Even knowing wasn't enough. Knowing but not acting out on what one knew meant that one was no wiser. Now when I look back on that response for a silly quiz I wonder whether it means that I was a smart alec or whether I really was sensible for at least feeling that wisdom wasn't something that one could just have just the way I'd felt about some other things: that old age didn't make one mature and that intelligence wasn't something that could be faked....or maybe it was a quirky incident set up for the purposes of reminding me some years down the line that one should never not truthfully say what one would very much like to have - even if it seems impossible and even if it is in response to a 'silly' pop psych. quiz question.

And so now with another 17 years added on I find myself knowing that knowing still matters, truth matters, goodness matters, courage matters, and humour matters. And when fear eclipses the senses and nothing seems to matter apart from the horror and the haunting nightmares - kindness, laughter, and love matter. These do matter otherwise, without doubt.

In the meanwhile, one earns a livelihood, gets a proper job, prays for those less fortunate, prays with earnestness for the health, happiness, joy, and peace of one's loved ones, and prays with desperation that somewhere, somehow, sometime love matters in an absolute sense.

10 comments:

Suvro Chatterjee said...

How utterly wonderful, Shilpi. I've been reading this post again and again. And wondering what to say in response. You have, for once, left me happily speechless.

I wish - even if you don't - that this essay would be read and pondered over by countless people. For their benefit, not yours.

I leave with a quote from that supreme worshipper of knowledge, Albert Einstein: 'If you have not lived for someone else, you have not lived at all'.

Rajdeep said...

Hi Shilpi,
Hope you write many more touching posts like this one. Keep writing. It is a pleasure to read.
Best,
Rajdeep

Shilpi said...

Suvro da, I'm absolutely delighted to find your comment, and the wait was well worth it. I can't help but sadly chuckle and feel mighty pleased at the same time with one of your liners. 'Happily speechless for once'...for I know I must and have left you unhappily speechless more than once. Thank you for the quote too.

Rajdeep, Thank you kindly for your appreciation.

october said...

Dear Shilpi,

Thanks for writing such a wonderful and meaningful post. I liked what you have written about formal education and wisdom.It feels good to know that there is someone out there who thinks the same way that I do. The thought which is stuck in my mind after reading this post is "Knowing but not acting out on what one knew meant that one was no wiser."

Even though I agreed with what you have said about fear at first, on further pondering, I think that there is something else which needs to be added. A wise one might use kindness, laughter and love when fear eclipses the senses. But just this won't be enough to stand the effects of fear. It definitely needs to be accompained by courage which is born from inner strength. On the contrary, once you have inner strength, can fear even survive? What is the point in knowing when you don't become wise and what is the point of wisdom if it does not result in inner strength?

Best Regards,
Nagashree.

Shilpi said...

Nagashree,
One can add or subtract for sure from my core list – but my list contains what I have known through my own experiences. So I'll stick with the kindness, laughter, and love in the face of fear and haunting nightmares. That is what I have felt/known from within and without. It doesn't mean that I have made fewer or less costly mistakes therefore, sadly enough. But that is my failing, and it doesn't take away from what my knowing amounts to…

Yet you'll notice that I did mention courage in the line of knowing what matters in life. I could go into a little elaboration of different levels of courage but maybe some other time. I would never discount courage. The same goes for inner strength, which is also surely of different sorts. People talk of inner strength. Yes. But what is it? What is it made of? Are there different sorts of inner strength? Does it change form?....And is it something that once acquired never leaves? For the saints and the prophets, for the wise and enlightened of different hues - I, alas, have not yet attained such levels of perfection. And this post was about what I have known through my experiences – nothing more really.

You’ve raised a difficult question with the last one, even though the question itself may have been rhetorical. I don't know - would be my funny but truthful answer! That was one point of my post of course – at least the connection between knowing and wisdom – but I will say that for some shards of knowing, knowing in itself has value for me. The knowing matters even though I don't know what point it has or what good it does.

Thank you for sharing your thoughtful observations and for raising your interesting questions.
Regards,
Shilpi

october said...

Dear Shilpi,

Must I say that the curious child within me which was looking forward for your response felt that your response was worth the wait.

I had inferred from your post that you were a deep thinker and also that readers enjoying your blog might be thinkers like yourself. Hence, my comments were more intended to provoke your thoughts as well as thoughts of readers of your blog. Through my own experiences I have come to know that you will only find what you are looking for. I somehow got the feeling reading your blog that the article has settled for the knowledge about dealing with fear. Hence, I wanted to provoke the thoughts towards thinking how could fear be overcome rather than be dealt with. The statements I have made are the lessons that I have learnt from my own experiences. It was in no way intended to question your knowing.

Coming to your question about inner strength… In my humble opinion, inner strength signifies clarity in choices. These choices are made not because you are capable of making these choices but because they indicate who you truly are. These choices also indicate your value and integrity. When a choice has such strong roots, there is no scope for fear. Even if a certain choice results in a mistake, you will learn to take responsibility for it rather than be afraid of it. Hence, in my mind, inner strength indicates certainty about the choice you make.

The point of posing the rhetorical question was to provoke thoughts in a direction where we can find out origins of fear and how to conquer it rather than live with it. My intention was not to question the value of knowing itself.

I truly appreciate the thoughtfulness and truthfulness in your response. Looking forward to reading more thought provoking posts from you.

Best Regards,
Nagashree.

Shilpi said...

Nagashree,
In my previous comment, I simply wanted to clarify the bit that the post is only about what I know since I was left wondering whether that was clear to people who do not know me or whether I sounded as though I were laying down the final words in 'knowing what matters'.

You see, maybe this somehow opens up a box of what sort of fears we are talking about and whether we are talking about similar fears. There may be something there. An overwhelming internal nightmare of torture, killing, brutality or loss that smacks one in the face and which makes one go insane over the course of a week is not the same as my fear of leaping off from the 10m high diving board. Sheer physical and mental courage of some sort maybe enough for the latter (and I don't intend to find out). For the former I haven't seen what sort of physical or even mental courage can work alone and by itself. Nor can either of these fears be compared to someone who experiences the terror of living in the immediate threat of real physical violence or grinding, backbreaking poverty or both.

And fear is very different from what one feels when what one fears actually happens. One cannot fear what happens. It has happened. How can one fear it? One has to face it somehow or not. Fear is replaced by some other emotion. And that depends upon the kind of person one is and what choices one has and whether the fear was meaningful in the first place.

You are absolutely right in saying and thinking that there is no point in being afraid about making mistakes for choices taken - at least where one has the ability to make a choice. If the choices are made in accordance to what we value and are made in a state of mental clarity - then indeed one may rue over unforeseen consequences but one cannot possibly be afraid of what results even if what results is a mistake.

If I go along with your description of 'inner strength' - and if it is the choice that indicates who we are - then once again I go back to my statement regarding kindness, laughter, and love. These are the elements I choose to hold close to me. These are what I value beyond measure. If these help me lead a better life and in the course of yet more passing years make me infinitesimally wiser as a human being - fine. If not - I will still stay with my choice, and take my chances in the next round if such a time comes. I cannot any longer choose anything over kindness, laughter, and love. That they matter matter to me. These are what I seek to see me and others through darkness. Other things can come and grow. Yet other things can leave. Indeed, I strongly suspect that love itself contains within it all the other aspects of life and living, and that it is the source of strength and the source of courage and of wisdom. I am quite sure of this at moments - but then doubt seeps in. I don't have any hard proof, and I probably don't trust enough or maybe I trust too much letting my brains fall out...

As for conquering fear: I feel uncomfortable. I don't know whether fear can be conquered. Some fears can be overcome for sure and yet others can be faced and yet others can be dealt with. I honestly just don't see how it's possible to conquer fear.

This has become a very long comment and all these ruminations in response to your observations and questions have led me to think that I may as well write some more posts. Your comment did provoke me to think some more. Thank you kindly for commenting twice and for sharing your thoughts.

Since you like thinking - you might like to visit the blog links on the right.

Regards,
Shilpi

Shilpi said...

...and yes, some fears for me - simply have to be lived with. They don't go and they don't leave. They lie dormant for a while and then they burst onto the surface, or else they just keep wriggling away on the surface and one does what one can to keep the fear in check because it does no good. Fear spilt over does no good to anybody....neither do one's seemingly perfectly meaningful thoughts, come to think of it.

Somebody once told me that I think too much over things which are better done instead of mulled over. There is truth in that.

One can just hold onto kindness, laughter, and love and pray one's best, and do what one can. What else is there?

It's the last bit that I pray for - there is nothing else that matters. I'll say an 'Amen' to that.

october said...

Dear Shilpi,

Thanks for meticulously putting your thoughts about fear. Yes, indeed it is a very good point that you raise. There are different types of fear and each type needs to be handled differently.

When I was thinking about fear, I could not help but remember the words of what Swami Vivekananda had said "Fear is death, fear is sin, fear is hell,
fear is unrighteousness, fear is wrong life.
All the negative thoughts and ideas that are in
the world have proceeded from this evil spirit of fear." Since the time I came across these words, my mind has been constantly looking and trying different things to experience that fearlessness. I have often wondered about what fearlessness is and how does it would feel to be in that state. I shall say that with my constant search to feel that state I have shared with you what helped me with attain it, even if it was for a moment. I do agree with you when you say that love encapsulates all aspects required to overcome fear. I would only like to add that such love will really be the only one required as long as it does not eliminate self. In other words, loving others is very important. But in doing so, if we forget to love ourselves and give importance to what makes us "us", there is a possibility that we might start doubting love itself.

I share with you the same thought as you have in this article that I am no saint and have not attained perfection. I leave you with the link to an interesting article I found about fear.

http://www.eng.vedanta.ru/library/prabuddha_bharata/editorial_april2004.php

Thanks for taking time to share your thoughts about my questions.

Best Regards,
Nagashree.

Shilpi said...

How does one detach oneself from the love? What if that love makes me 'me'? What if that love makes my Self? Loving others, I love myself, and loving myself I love others until it's not very clear any longer where one ends and the other starts - what happens then? How can one then distance oneself from the love without mutilating one's Self? Or distance oneself from those who one loves? And what would be the point of such a Self, which is thus mutilated or cropped?....And yet, I see no way out of the fear either apart from trying and trying to keep it in check.

Once again - thank you for your comments, Nagashree. It makes me probe more & with the honesty that I'm capable of.
Regards,
Shilpi